Trying

The past week has been a very rough one for me, being a creature of habit it was hard having my Second Life turned upside down.  Home Sweet Home is now the inside of one of my shops at Mid mall as I haven’t bothered to look at a new place yet.  When I moved out of the home I shared with Del, I took only my dog and left the rest to him to return if he didn’t need it.  Misc pieces of furniture from matched sets would have been of no use to me yet much harder for him to replace.  I’ve never been fond of hearing those “emptied out the house stories” either so couldn’t do that to Del.

I was the one that broke us up after hearing complaints about me Del made to a close friend of mine.  Seems what I thought our relationship was…um quite different then what he told others about me.  Hearing the truth second hand was hard but really something I needed to hear.  The next day that made it harder than usual to handle what otherwise would have only been a slight misunderstanding mostly based upon different interpretations on one word by Brits and Americans.  Thus we broke up after a long and otherwise very good relationship but I think this will work out much better for him overall. 

I’ve been trying to move on and it has been very difficult, I think one of the most difficult breakups in my lifetime.  I haven’t felt like logging into Second Life at all but am now trying to make myself do it for the sake of getting past this at least.  Del has moved on nicely finding someone new within days which leaves me wondering how much I ever meant to him at all.  It may be his way of dealing with difficulities tho.   I’ve reacted differently…having no interest yet in someone new.  Instead hoping Del will find someone better for him than I was…his new person not being quite what I invisioned but the choice is ultimately his, I know.  I’ve been very respectful to him in regards to my profile and the blog, where as his has been another story and not one I can even claim to understand. 

I still feel I made the right decision to end the relationship like I did.  If there were problems we could have solved them together as he and I always did rather than having him discuss them with others to get back to me.  It was like together he and I had one relationship while he told others it was a completely different relationship than it was.  I was then left not knowing what to believe…which version was the real one?  The trust we once had now gone too.  Trust being the most important part of any relationship from friendship on up it is the hardest thing to recover when things go wrong as it did for us.  Now I look back and question everything he said and did where as I had trusted him 100% before and never had a reason to doubt.  So it’s been very painful for me while he’s been more occupied with his new life. 

He and I have tried talking a few times since but it seems not worth the bother to try because he’s moved on and it’s harder now as I don’t trust him at all.  The goal is to remain friends and I believe we can ultimately it’s just difficult now because it is still raw for me and frustrating because he seems not to care at all anymore.  What he says is one thing and his actions yet another and in those cases I know the actions tell the story the words do not.  It’s like the two stories of our relationship all over again.  I guess disillusioned best describes how I feel.  Our friends have asked whether or not it is possible that Del and I could ever get back together, I have no answer to that really.  I think it is better for Del now for us to be seperate and it takes two…not one to make anything possible in that regard.  It is much more complex too then I could discuss here because I know there are certain things Del would not want even mentioned, so haven’t.

Del

Partnered on Feb 4, 2008- Engaged on March 22, 2008 Married May 9, 2008 Parted as Friends December 1, 2008. Yes, it is over. I seperated us for reasons I can not give out of respect for his privacy. He has someone new already and I wish them them the best of luck in their future together.

Good Memories!

Del and Laurelyne