Exciting News!

Yesterday was such an exciting day as Sir Nitram Bellios-Earl of Bellios did propose that I be his Second Life wife.  I said “YES” of course with no doubts what so ever on my part.  Thus begins our engagement and new partnership in Second Life.  We enjoyed a champagne celebration at Cruise-Aiders afterwards with an official announcement by the Captain of the boat, Captain Cope Kohime.

 

Our adopted daughter the Princess Grace was with us on our special day bringing me a lovely bouquet of flowers that attracted a swarm of gorgous butterflies!  I was so surprised as I didn’t expect a proposal at all but it was a truely magical day as I danced with my new partner for the first time to the music of DJ Jacqui Beerbaum.  DJ Jacqui is one of our favorite DJs so it just helped complete the whle day for us.   My ring is really a work of art, shaped like a crown with no space left uncovered by glittering diamonds.  Show below against the back of Nitram’s neck as we danced.

Even tho I am now the future Lady Bellios, I now have the title of Lady Bellios that I so proudly wear.  Nitram has made me so very happy and I hope to return that back to him 100%.  I feel so truely blessed by Nitram and look forward to contining to share my Second Life with him.

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Cape%20Cruise/123/123/27

Dishing Dirt

I’ve always wondered why it is some people feel that because they had a prior friendship or relationship with the person you are now dating that you would want to hear all the dirt they can dish out on that person?  What useful purpose does that serve anyway?  It’s not like you can trust their very biased opinions and stories anyway as they quite obviously have an axe to grind or they wouldn’t be bothering you about it.  Often it is because they haven’t moved on or because they hope you will say, “Oh really?” and dump the person thus giving them some sort of twisted vengence. 

This has happened to me recently and to also a friend so there is a lot of it going around.  For me it has made me more committed to help support my beloved until this issue has passed for him.  I feel sorry that he has to go through this at all.  It’s hard to understand exactly, either I had wonderful exes or I prefer to to selectively remember the good moments for the most part?  For my friend, she has become very protective of her guy and has begun snapping back at his friends that seem to think she needs to know every detail of his Second Life which she is already aware of, as he told her himself.   Very seldom, I think you will achieve your goal if you are seeking to break up the new relationship your ex has.  More likely you will just bring them closer and make them stronger for having to weather the storm you have created for the two of them.  Being pleasant instead can leave that door open to be friends or get back together at a later date should that come to be.  Why burn all your bridges to the ground when being reasonable can make the change to seperate lives easier for both of you?

50 Questions

A good friend of mine shared a snip of conversation with me yesterday that sparked a topic to write about.  Yes, that is how I get most of what I write about ideas from things that have either happened to me personally or someone I know. 

Names were changed to protect the innocent and the guilty. 

Her : Hi

Him: Hi {her name}

Her: hey how are you

Him: I am good, thank you, you?

Her: good

Her: so tell me bout your profile

Her: are you having an sl relation?

So the guy has barely rezzed and she wants to know if he has a girlfriend in Second Life.  Ooooo that’s fast.  Yes, he’s hot looking but wouldn’t you also want to know how beautiful a person he is inside that handsome avatar?  The conversation proceeded into a question and answer session that made him very uncomfortable, as would us all.  Too many questions all at once can be a huge turnoff as it makes you feel like you are in an interview for a position you might not even want to have.  *laughs* 

I prefer a softer approach myself.  Try not to ask too many questions all at once, what he/she tells you will dribble out eventually without sitting the person down on a prim stool, shining a facelight in their eyes and asking for their last three years of tax returns.  Trust me…you might even find out more than you would have otherwise if you just listen well and let the other person talk.  Instead, ask questions about what they tell you and discuss things you find in common or make conversation about where you are and what is going on around you to put the person at ease. 

It will be a refreshing change from the where are you from and how old are you and other very common Second Life questions.  Really, you don’t need to know all that stuff anyway unless the newly minted friendship progresses further.  By then you will most likely have learned all you needed to know or were curious about anyway.  Start on a friends basis and move on from there.  If you have the attitude that every avatar you meet is a potential serious relationship then you will miss out on making some very wonderful friends that will not only enrich your Second Life but likely your First Life too.  Cultivate friendships like flowers and maybe one of them will blossom into something truely wonderful but if not…you will still have a great garden to make you happy and keep you occupied as friends do.  Relax, breathe and take some time…no need to rush.

Fast Track to My Mute List – Second Life Manners

Names removed to avoid further embarassment of the guilty. Content edited to remain a work safe blog.

Him: Wow I just spotted the most beautiful girl in SL
Me: Hi. Thank you for the compliment but I’m dancing with someone.
Him: Yes The envy of the room
Him: You really stand out Put together an incredibly delicious avi
Me: Thank you, I made my own skin and shape so I could be unique in Second Life.
Him: A real prize then
Him: I would love to have my hands on that ass right now
Me: Please, I would like to give him all of my attention.
Him: Any chance you are free later or would like to switch dance partners You look bored with him
Me: I’m not bored at all and you do need to move on to another target as I’m really not interested. I will leave when he does.
Him: You would like me better What I wouldn’t love to do with you {snipped some lines of rather graphic content}
Him: You there You haven’t said anything
Me: It is rather rude to pester a woman when she is slow dancing with someone else. I’m quite happy right where I am. Please just stop.
Him: Will you be free tomorrow
Him: Anytime tomorrow just name a time
Him: Hello
Me: Please just move on to someone else. Not interested.
Him: You are missing out
Him: Hello
Him: Cold hearted *****
Me: Welcome to my Mute list, do enjoy your stay.

I do think it is very rude to attempt to pick someone up when they are dancing with someone else. He started out fine with his compliments but then the conversation very quickly degraded into some graphic content from a total stranger, which considering the circumstances was very unwelcome. Despite being told I wasn’t interested to move on, he persisted still thus leaving muting him the only alternative to shut him up so I could enjoy my afternoon out.

Very seldom I think you would be sucessful when trying to get someones attention when they are wrapped in the arms of another, gently swaying to music. There was plenty of women dancing in that same room alone that might have welcomed his attention where as I did not. Why bother unless it is rejection you seek?

As for the gentleman I was dancing with, I had a wonderful time and look forward to that next dance.

Kissing Frogs

{This post was inspired by a conversation with Greeneyes}

Greeneyes remarked how she only seems to have “pigs” approach her in Second Life.  I had responded back that she should wait for her prince and not waste any time kissing frogs, to be patient and he will arrive someday.  This is a problem in Second Life for anyone female or those who are not but have a female avatar. (I’m real)  You are approached with some crude or lewd comment and then are expected to throw yourself at the avatar that made the comment.  Guys, that seldom works unless the avatar you are speaking to is another guy in a skirt just waiting for you to come along.  Yet that’s a whole different article to discuss that.

Treat us respectfully and you will get a far better response.  Give it some time, romance and you will in turn be treated better than being muted and thus never given a second chance to try again.  Ask that lovely avatar to dance, talk with her see if she is worth your time, find out her likes and dislikes and let nature take it’s course from there.  You might then find that first kiss comes from her.  *winks* 

It was funny,  I said that comment about frog kissing in general chat and suddenly had every guy in the room IMing me to ask if he was a frog or a prince.  Really hard to tell without some time and conversation,  guys.  Not every guy in Second Life is a pig, as Greeneyes called them but the gentlemen are much harder to find.  Where should you look?  Oh the gentlemen could be off building, scripting, exploring an interesting sim, ballroom dancing or hanging out in clubs that don’t have strippers in them.   Dressing ladylike can be a clue to gentlemen looking for that special person themselves.  If you look like a stripper, you get far worse treatment then someone not dressed that way.  It shouldn’t really be that way but it seems so.  I’ve noticed the difference myself depending on what I pick to wear. The more revealing the clothing, the more negative attention received. 

Where you go seems to make a difference too…the seedier the place…the more nasty the comments.  Second Life is such a big social laboratory that it is hard not to make observations after watching your fellow residents interact.  It takes longer to seperate the princes from the frogs but you are set once you find one as they are also less apt to ditch you on a whim.  Just a matter of holding his interest then and that’s easier if he’s not always off chasing after someone with a shorter skirt. Don’t bother with the frogs, so much to do in Second Life that you don’t need to waste the time and heartache on them.  Take a class, go see a concert, listen to music at a respectable club or work on a project you have been putting off .  You know what?  The people you seek are doing the same things so you are even more apt to meet them.

Oh a tip for guys if you didn’t already figure this out yourself, if you annoy one of us…we will then spread the word to any friend in the room.  If you mistreat one of us, isn’t long before all the girls then give you the cold shoulder or react to your comments with disgust.  Yes, we do have a network.  It’s true.  If that happens then best to teleport to a new location and try something different. The opposite is also true, treat us right and we will gush about how wonderful you are to all our friends then you are the greatest thing after sculptie shoes to Second Life women.

Moving On

Mr. Mystery and I are just friends now which I think is best for him.  He has so much going on right now and hasn’t had time for me for weeks now.   I kept busy during that time and hoped he would return but he didn’t so time to move on again. 

He is a wonderful person and I will treasure the memories of the time I got with him.  No, I’m not bitter I sort of knew it was coming so it comes as no great shock.  I’ve had time to get used to the idea of him no longer being part of my Second Life.  I didn’t like being kept hanging so I made it easier on him by just asking him straight out if he was planning on ever coming back.  I got my answer and was pleasant about it.  No sense in making it harder on both of us then it had to be.  I wish him the best and know we can remain friendly, as there is nothing to fight or argue about.   I’m sad about it but it will pass, he’s not gone forever as we can still talk as friends.

Mango and I spent some time on IM talking and I provided the music via You Tube links.  It was comforting and it’s great to have friends.  It was nice of him to suffer through my music and it did take my mind off what happened with Mr. Mystery for awhile.  Yes, I sound all calm now but I wasn’t then.  I was angry, shaking and upset but didn’t lash out with that, instead I waited till I was calmer and thinking clearly before I could talk about it.  Lashing out would have just hurt Mr. Mystery and removed the possibility of salvaging a friendship.  He didn’t deserve that so didn’t get it from me.  I probably came across as cold and unfeeling as I just accepted what he said with no argument.  It was better then reacting out of hurt and anger though, thus making it easier for both of us.  I’ll miss him being part of my Second Life.

It’s important to be calm when a breakup happens, as that increases your chances of working it out or at the least salvaging a friendship out of it.   Reacting out of anger can ruin all chances of that.  In this case, it was more of a time issue than anything wrong with either one of us.  I was willing to be flexible on that but I don’t think he felt it was fair to me.   I don’t regret taking the time to get him through some of the rough times he was having.  I would have stayed to support more but that wasn’t entirely my decision to make.  I was happy to help anyway I could and to be his stability when he didn’t have any.  No hard feelings towards him, only best wishes that his situation does improve soon.

More Mystery

I think I messed up.  All was going really well with Mr. Mystery till I did something that I think caused a big change.  He was very upset one evening and it wasn’t because of me it was more of a mix of RL and SL issues.  This was all frosted with someone from his past returning to SL which he wasn’t at all happy about.  My heart was just breaking at how distraught he was.  He spoke of leaving SL entirely as we sometimes do when we just feel as though we can’t go on. 

I wondering what this meant for he and I so I asked “Does this mean you are giving up on us too?”  No answer to that.  Later that evening I asked again and got no answer.  So I was pretty upset myself but was cool and made no fuss about it. Said no more about the topic because he really had enough going on as is.

The next day he was on SL and SkyPe yet no messages so I thought he meant it was over so just quietly changed a few lines on my profile and my status here on the blog.  I made no changes to how I acted tho…changed only words and kept to myself. Then I waited thinking that if I misunderstood somehow he would correct me.  More waiting…when he did talk to me again he was upset with me for changing my profile.  Without putting his exact words here he basically told me he had too much going on to continue the relationship and by changing my profile..I had already given up on him.  I had messed up BIG TIME! 

I changed my profile back as it was before and told him I understood he was having a bad time but I would be patient and just wait for him, as I didn’t want to add to the problems he had already.  There has been lots of silence since and I’ve been doing my best not to bug him but just sending a few IMs each day to let him know I’m still waiting.  Simple *KISS*  {{HUGS}}  that sort of thing, nothing upsetting.  I did also take the time to go over that last conversation and discovered there was an answer there but I had missed it before.  The last thing he said was “This is not the end”.  At the time, I didn’t think it applied to us but to the other things he had happening to him.   That might have been my answer so making any change to my profile was the wrong thing to do. 

So it might be over with Mr. Mystery or it might not be.  I hope not!  I know the last thing he needs right now is problems from me to add to what he is already dealing with so I’ve just been waiting.  He’s definately worth some patience from me.  Feeling helpless as he goes through so much by himself, I want to help but I think trying to force anything right now would be the worst I could do.  Missing him terribly already but think he needs some space now from me.  I’ve been trying to give him that even though I feel like messaging him constantly till this is worked out.   Fighting the urge and just being quiet myself in hopes that he will find his way back to me when he is ready to. 

I’ll give it some time, he’s worth that and I’m in no big hurry to move on anyway so it wouldn’t hurt to just chill for awhile for him.  He’s welcome back when he’s ready to resume where we were….if he decides not to I’ll just have to accept that.  I took a risk on someone who was still very much hurting from what someone else did to him.  Knowing that doesn’t always work out, I became his stability, his tender loving care and was patient while he tried to heal.  I knew it was a longshot but felt he was worth the time and risk of my own heart.  I still feel that way…that’s he’s worth it to me.  I’ll wait. {{Disclaimer:  I revealed more than I normally would if everyone knew who Mr. Mystery was but since he is a mystery I said more}}

Thanks To All of You

Thank you all for the comments on my Torn post yesterday and your IMed support in SL.  It is said you don’t really know the quantity or quality of your friends till you really need them.  I feel truely blessed!  I have friends I didn’t even know existed but do now. Del and I even talked briefly and that went well.  I’m glad he and I can be friends.  Del doesn’t like to fight and neither do I so this works out best for both of us.  All is well for he and his partner and I am pleased it is.

Mr. Mystery and I have worked things out, I believe.  Just going to relax and see how it goes.  Being apart just tore us both up so it wasn’t saving either of us any pain.  We spent a relaxing evening together which was what both of us needed.  I am thankful he told me what the secret was rather than having me find out on my own.  That makes a huge difference and enabled us to begin to work past it.  If I had found out on my own it would have been all different. 

Mystery is a wonderful person.  He has a big sentimental heart, he genuinely cares about people in SL and RL,  he’s sensitive and treats me like a fairy tale princess.  He also has an incredibly sexy avatar….that’s not something high on my list of needs normally but it’s icing on a delicious cake in this case. I have a wonderful time with him no matter what we do and I feel content just being near him.  His broken heart from his prior relationship is mending with time, TLC and my support.  What more could I ask for?  The story he and I have started together will continue.

One reader IMed that this might work out better for me with him remaining a mystery to my blog readers as then I can talk here freely without worry.  Yes, I can see how that would be a plus.  Many of you felt I was deciding for him and I took that to heart, I was guilty of that.  I put that decision back in his hands and that helped us.  I took advice rather than giving it this time.  Each of you added something that did help and I’m grateful for your support. *smiles* So I’m back floating on a puffy cloud again and later could be snuggled contently or dancing with him.  Mystery is for me.

Torn

Feeling torn today is the best way I can describe it.  The relationship with Mystery Man was going incredibly well and gave new meaning to “swept off my feet” to me till last night when the bomb dropped.  Seems there was more to his need for privacy then I thought there was.  He did tell me himself, it wasn’t like I found out from another source which does make it better.  What it was, I can’t say…not to anyone which makes it even harder as then you can’t even get advice to double check your own judgement if you can’t tell anyone.  Feeling so incredibly sad and accepting that most of it was my fault.  I trusted too soon and asked too few questions….questions that could have averted this from happening at all.  He’s an incredible person and we were extremely compatible in Second Life.  He even loved my voice *smiles* finding it comforting and even sexy. 

I will miss him greatly, already feeling the loss even though as of this morning we were still speaking.  His, “I miss you.  Be with me.  Share my SL”  just tears my stupid soppy heart apart.  I just don’t see a way to continue without making it worse for him.  He has no suggestions either.  I believe in the greater good which means sometimes taking a hit so things can be better for others.  I also believe that sometimes you have to do what is best for someone you care about even if that would exclude you, something I even drill into friends.  These two things combined with the fact I don’t keep secrets well make continuing a recipe for disaster.  I think my difficulty with secret keeping is obvious to all my readers here and he was a regular, so I don’t understand how he thought I could?  One slip could cause him trouble I don’t wish to.  I don’t wish to harm anyone even unintentionally and I’ve never been much of a risk taker. 

Heart says continue with him regardless and hope for the best.  Mind says to let it go because that would be safer and better for him in the long run.  So it is a battle between Heart and Mind complicated by his wishes to continue to be with me in Second Life.  If there was some way it could work out, I would take that chance but I don’t see any option available.  I know I always tell people to work it out if at all possible, trying to take my own advice but I’m at a loss this time.

Better

It’s been much better for me after I took a break from SL and just minded the stores during that time.  Busy with trying to help my friend get her SL together again after a bad breakup and helping yet another friend with his pain. 

Changed my About page a bit to reflect although I am single in SL, I am seeing someone special now.  Basically, it means I want to see what happens with who I am involved with now.  He’s more of a private person than Del was.  Del enjoyed the attention on the blog and liked helping with articles and pictures for it.  My new guy is different so he will remain unnamed for now and I will be careful with pictures of him.  He and I are very new so I would also hate to make a big deal out of it just to then have it not work out.  I’m trying to guard my heart a bit more this time and not toss caution to the wind.  In his company, that is hard to remember to do.  *smiles*

Enjoying having someone to try to spoil again, I missed that.  Spoiled in return by his unlimited snuggles and personally selected music via You Tube urls.  I’ve enjoyed each of his urls so that means we have simliar taste in music too.  Spending time with him makes me happy and gives me a feeling of contentment which is a very good first sign.  I have some new things in the works for the women’s store, as it is their turn, so I’m making new things again too.  Feeling recharged and like a new avatar again!